peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
