Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
please come you make the beer taste better
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
