you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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