If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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