Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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