No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Someone signed my nipple.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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