I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
