one two three fourrrrnication!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
