I heard we made out
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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