Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.