Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
