did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
