Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
