youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize