maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
