i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
