I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
