I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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