It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
