I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.