I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?