The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."