saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
