Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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