He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
