Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
