i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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