his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
