remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We talked him into tasing himself.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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