I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
