when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
