best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Someone signed my nipple.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
