all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
