The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
