why didn't you poke me back
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
