I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize