sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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