i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
