I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
