Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
babies were throwing up all over the place
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
