I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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