You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
