Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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