I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
