y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
