what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
