after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
