God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
