so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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