why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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