Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
