If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
