Having a random hookup so left but love u
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.