i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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