can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
