Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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