so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
