I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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