I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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