I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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