Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
