Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
