his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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