Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
