I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
