I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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