Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
